Help Me Not

They say they want to help me out

While helping themselves, no doubt

To all they can get their sticky fingers on

Despite my troubles, I'm quite the sexy one


A ride here and there

Carry some groceries to my door

Even offer to increase my income

Glance at me with that strange kind of stare


Look into my eyes while smiling with glee

It's apparent that you want more from me

Yet my birthday has passed and you simply forgot

So my dear, shallow friend, please help me not


Don't bother to call nor text anymore

Stop just saying, "hi" or knocking on my door

Stop sniffing around for the presence of a man

It is not your business, step off while you can


You've nothing to offer, you don't aim to please

That cheap cologne scent keeps making me sneeze

The only reward here is from me to you

My time's not to waste, why don't you get a clue


You're just not equipped, it's as simple as that

You want tenderoni, while sloppy and fat

I have tolerated your kind a whole lot

But kind sir, walk away now and please, help me not


Please do not fix my car; Do not lend me your wrench

Do not serenade me from your piano bench

Save your compliments, don't ask me for pics

Don't call when your wife's away, flirting for kicks


Don't drive by my house when you're on your break

Back off, run along now for goodness sake

I really don't need you to tell me I'm hot

You don't stand a chance, so don't risk what you've got


God knows I'm too friendly, and certainly too nice

I have got to shake off all these lames in my life

My father and uncles they will spare you not

So don't make me call them, abandon this plot


You cannot have me, I'm not for sale

If I have to repeat this, I'll end up in jail