They say they want to help me out
While helping themselves, no doubt
To all they can get their sticky fingers on
Despite my troubles, I'm quite the sexy one
A ride here and there
Carry some groceries to my door
Even offer to increase my income
Glance at me with that strange kind of stare
Look into my eyes while smiling with glee
It's apparent that you want more from me
Yet my birthday has passed and you simply forgot
So my dear, shallow friend, please help me not
Don't bother to call nor text anymore
Stop just saying, "hi" or knocking on my door
Stop sniffing around for the presence of a man
It is not your business, step off while you can
You've nothing to offer, you don't aim to please
That cheap cologne scent keeps making me sneeze
The only reward here is from me to you
My time's not to waste, why don't you get a clue
You're just not equipped, it's as simple as that
You want tenderoni, while sloppy and fat
I have tolerated your kind a whole lot
But kind sir, walk away now and please, help me not
Please do not fix my car; Do not lend me your wrench
Do not serenade me from your piano bench
Save your compliments, don't ask me for pics
Don't call when your wife's away, flirting for kicks
Don't drive by my house when you're on your break
Back off, run along now for goodness sake
I really don't need you to tell me I'm hot
You don't stand a chance, so don't risk what you've got
God knows I'm too friendly, and certainly too nice
I have got to shake off all these lames in my life
My father and uncles they will spare you not
So don't make me call them, abandon this plot
You cannot have me, I'm not for sale
If I have to repeat this, I'll end up in jail
